What am I looking for?

I was driving home from the supermarket with a bag full of groceries on the passenger’s seat when Avril Lavigne’s “What the Hell” played on my mp3 player (I turned shuffle mode ON) and I thought to myself how befitting. I was feeling  kinda merry that day because my role change has been accepted and confirmed (role change from the executive side to line/engineering side). In fact, the upper management welcomed it because of the nationalization policy that our company is trying to adhere to. At the moment, I would say 70-75% of the aircraft engineers on the hangar floor are expatriates. We need more locals. Anyway back to Avril Lavigne’s song and the mood et cetera et cetera. Due to the merry feeling, I sang along and acted like a Avril in the video clip (OMG >_<) and when I arrived at a junction, the traffic light was red and I noticed that the driver+passengers in the car beside mine was looking at me and I stopped my acting and got into this macho mode. LOL!!!! They were laughing and I pretended not to notice… >_>

So I arrived at my apartment, was about to get into the elevator and a bunch of kids, (sons/daughters of expatriates who live in the same building) ran in before me, giggling. I looked at one of the girls, “What’s your name pretty girl?” and the girl answered, “Na(Ne)-yo-mi”. I looked at the movement of her mouth and for some reason my mind was like slowing down when it tried to register the word…Na(Ne)-yo-mi…..”OHHHH Naomi!” I muttered to myself “Ohh hi, I am Anwar”. All this while I’ve been pronouncing the name as Na (Nah)-Wo-mi…LOL. I looked at her,”Very very nice name”. She giggled. “Be careful with the elevator doors yea” I said when I stepped out upon reaching the 3rd level (where my apartment is). “We will!” one of them answered. Nice revelation and I walked towards my apartment whilst smiling to myself.

*****

In life greed is a double-edged sword. A lot of things are double-edged sword actually, but in this entry I pick greed. On the day that I got the confirmation letter of my role change, a friend of mine told me that another company is offering a lot of money for the same position that I am holding now. I was bugged to be honest. The amount that they are willing to pay is just O_O. I would like to believe that I am a man who hold very strictly to my principles, my ambitions, my dreams and the method via which I shall move towards the said elements. But the amount my friend told me, was just tooo…wow. I am not saying that I would get the job if I sent in my resume, but if they call me for an interview, I dare say more than 50% probability that I would get the job. I don’t mean to brag, but I am quite confident in my ‘interview skills’ (whatever that might mean).

Then reality hit me, with that amount of money, the responsibility, the expectation of my work, my knowledge would definitely be….sky high. I might pass the interview, but when it comes to the actual work, would I be able to fulfill the actual requirements? I have to accept the fact that I am still young, my experience, my knowledge, my license are not yet where I would like them to be. I have to collect more experience to be a much more respectable position holder.

So what am I looking for? Careerwise. Not lifewise.

Experience. Licenses. Aircraft types approvals. Knowledge. Money. Why is money a part of my career objectives? Well, I have to be realistic. Everything needs money in today’s age. BUT I have to be honest, I am not capable yet of fulfilling a role which pays so much money yet. As I mentioned in the previous paragraph, I might be able to blind the interviewers with my ‘skills’ but I doubt my capability to execute tasks which reward so much. Plus in this industry, news of failures spread like wild fire. Experience is something which I cannot rush. It flows with time. Give me at least 2 years, then maybe, I would trust myself to hold such position.

I am not yet where I want to be, but everything is satisfactory.

LOL suddenly Hindi song. I am tired, I need something relaxing. I wrote this right after after 2 hours of futsal. Ok now I am ready to get into the shower. 😛

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Are you happy now?

“Anwar will be leaving…the QA dept to support our Engineering side as an avionics engineer”, announced my boss in a meeting.

“Ohh I thought he’ll be leaving the company..”chirped one person.

“Are you happy now Anwar?” my boss asked me.

“In a way, I am” I answered although to be honest I did feel bad (just a little) because my boss is one of the coolest guys around and he taught me a lot about the ways in the corporate part of an aviation organization and now I am gonna leave him (the dept) to chase my dreams. I am thankful to have met such an understanding person, even though we are from different races and different religions.

A little about my boss. He has been working as a licensed aircraft maintenance engineer all over the world. And by all over the world, I mean it, all over the world. He has been to the Europe, the African continent, you name it, he has probably been there. His approach to things/issues/problems is very practical and logical. No hanky panky, no words twisting. If a tree blocks your way, cut it. If you need more engineers, then hire some more. In his view, nothing is impossible. No excuses.

He claimed that he was a very good cook. He has not invited me to taste his artwork yet. But from what he has told me, I do believe that he does know a lot about cooking/spices.  A month or two ago, he asked our base manager who was going to South Africa to get him a jar of local spices/herbs so that he can make ‘Biltong’.  This mixture of herbs and spices then will be used to marinate meat or fish which then will be dried up under the sun. You can straightaway eat it or cook it or whatever. More info here.

His mission now? To find the perfect combination of ingredients to make that tasty, sambal belacan for nasi lalapan.

*****

So what do I feel now?

Mostly happy and motivated. I love the aircraft so much. I can sit for hours on end doing jobs on the aircraft. To see the whole instruments, the crystal displays powering up, the needle of gauges moving wildly, the buzzes of the electronic equipment ‘talking’ to each other, is a privilege enjoyed by the aviation personnel. To imagine how the operation of one component trigger another component and then another and another and maybe a system followed by another system and the final result is a flying machine capable of roles, manouvres dreamed by geniuses hundreds, thousands of years ago is a wonderment, an honour for the informed minds.

God I can’t wait to start my new role. Or should I say back to the role from whence I have found myself. My passion.

Quoting an Editor’s Article in the Helicopter’s magazine (Canada’s National Rotary Wing Magazine March/April 2011 issue) by Matt Nicholls

What resonated with me most about these great leaders, however, was the undercurrent that tied everything together – what I call “the passion principle”. This intangible element is the fuel that thrusts creative engines into overdrive – it’s what enable us to achieve more than we ever thought possible, reach levels we couldn’t even fathom. It makes good things great, great things prodigious. It fulfills, …it completes. It even heals and reforms.

To answer my own question again. I am happy.

I can’t wait to make things fly.

When I was working in Malaysia Airlines, I used to whistle to the tune of this song when I had to spend long hours in the bellies of those beautiful flying beasts. How long? As long as I was doing my job. 😉

 

 

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Selimut Hati – Blanket for the heart? LOL

I am out of ways to turn words into mesmerizing lines and hence I decided to translate a Malay-Indo song into English. I got a whole lot of issues to talk about but I lack the idea to connect the story line to make it seamless. Translating a song from one language to another worked for my Malay blog. LOL it has only been a week and already my creativity running dry. Take note, the malay lines were copied from here . So credits for the guitar chords goes to the writer who came up with the guide on the given address. The strumming pattern? Mmmm about 2 swings per chord. It’s music, gotta find one that you like and one that suits your singing style.

Intro: F Am Bb C 2X

F Am Bb    C          F Am Bb
Aku kan menjadi malam-malammu
I'll be your nights

        C         F Am Bb
kan menjadi mimpi-mimpimu
I'll be your dreams

          C   Dm G7 Bb 	   C
dan selimuti hatimu yang beku
I'll cover/blanket/warm your frozen heart

F Am Bb     C		F    Am   Bb
aku kan menjadi bintang-bintangmu
I'll be your stars

     C           F  Am  Bb
kan slalu menyinarimu
which will always shine upon you

          C        Dm   G7 Bb   C
dan menghapus rasa rindumu yang pilu
and erase your sad yearning

Am Dm
aku bisa
I could

Bb       C        Am       Dm
  untuk menjadi apa yang kau minta
 be what you wanted me to be

Bb       C        Am       Dm
  untuk menjadi apa yang kau impikan
 be what you wished for

Bb       C        Am       Dm    Bdim7  Gm  C
 tapi ku tak bisa menjadi dirinya
but I could never be him (the guy before me)

F Am Bb     C          F Am Bb
aku kan menjadi embun pagimu
I will be your morning dewdrop

         C           F  Am  Bb
yang kan menyejukkan jiwamu
which will comfort your soul

         C       Dm  G7  Bb    C
dan kan membasuh hatimu yang layu
and freshen your withering heart
Am Dm
aku bisa
I could 

Bb       C        Am       Dm
  untuk menjadi apa yang kau minta
 be what you wanted me to be

Bb       C        Am       Dm
  untuk menjadi apa yang kau impikan
be what you wished for

Bb       C        Am       Dm    Bdim7  Gm  C
  tapi ku tak bisa menjadi dirinya
but I could never be him (the guy before me)
GUitar Solo:
F Am Bb C
F Am Bb C
F Am Bb C
Dm G7 Bb C F

Gm  Am    Bb  C        Dm
Tinggalkan sejenak lalumu
Stop for a while

  Am           Bb
beri s'dikit waktu
Allow me some time

Gm  Am    Bb
Kepadaku
(some time)For me

C            Dm    Bdim7  Gm  C
tuk meyakinkanmu...
to convince you/ to gain your trust...

G Bm C     D          G Bm C
Aku kan menjadi malam-malammu
I'll be your nights

        D         G Bm C
kan menjadi mimpi-mimpimu
I'll be your dreams

          D   Em   Em/C#
dan selimuti hatimu
and I'll cover/blanket your heart

C    D       Em   G
Selimuti hatimu
I'll cover/blanket/warm your heart

C    D       Em   G
Selimuti hatimu (repeat)
I'll cover/blanket/warm your heart
 Outro:
Em Em/C# Am D G

Hmm I got a feeling that my writings are getting lamer and lamer but there
are times for this I guess. Even the font for the closing paragraph is
of the same type with the lyrics I translated. So lazy and idea-less.

By the way, I tried to translate the lyrics as per context that I
understood. Hopefully more anglicized ideas will flourish after
this.

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One last one.

One last entry before I take off. Going back to Miri and I have this urge to write (as usual) though the focus might be a bit wide (eventhough there is a predetermined focus, still I wouldn’t deny the possibility for me to get off track). To be honest for the past few days, I have no ideas on which issues should I tackle first. I have a lot to talk about but I want to come out with a quality entry (as if that happened before). There are times for the funzy stuff, the serious stuff, the romantic stuff, the ‘the’ stuff. Ohh noo, this one is not quality stuff, I just wanna be in that rush mode for no clear reasons.

*****

Going back to KL, has always been a breakaway I have been looking forward to every time there is a chance. Being away from the things that I treasure, (which I learnt that I treasure them by having those things separated from me- like the wise always say, you’ll never know what you have till you lost them, in my case, time/age, hmm I think I confuzzled some part of my brain by writing that sentence) made the plan a much more exciting one.

I attended a BBQ organized by my juniors in APR, I was in the 3rd batch, and they were in the 12th batch. Met some of my batchmates too. After the BBQ, I asked one of my good friends to join me for a second supper (tu dia!) at the nearby KFC Subang 2.

“Dah 10 tahun nak masuk 11 tahun kita berkawan kan?” he said. A waiter came and put our orders on the table. I looked at him, his words were like a wake up call. 10 years…

“Ki, ko sebut macam tu baru aku terasa dowh. Dari zaman UiTM lagi kot.”

We are not getting any younger. I have never thought about it seriously. I always believe I am capable of what I have done during my younger years (physically) could be maintained throughout my aging process. Well so far so good, I may not be able to jump as high or as often as I did during my time when I represented the school in the national basketball competition but boy I can jump. Away from the physical aspects, mentally I believe I have matured and at the supposed maturing progress rate. Although I do make some boyish, teeny jokes at times. Last 2 week, I didn’t go out for lunch and I took a power nap in the office, when my colleague came in he switched on the lights. I was awoken and upon seeing him, I acted as if I was a dracula being bath with sunlight with all the sound effects and acting! “Glug glug…NOOOOOOOO! and the clawing and the sizzling sounds. Then I noticed a figure behind me…my boss. He looked at me with that weird look, “How old are you Anwar?” “I am young sir”, I answered.

Ohh, I gotta catch the ERL to KLIA, see you lovelies later. Stay safe.

Enjoy! A hauntingly beautiful rendition of Smells Like Teen Spirit. Totally different from the original version.

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Stumbled upon a beauty.

I was strumming the guitar to Metallica’s Mama Said, when I decided to sing along and only then I realized how beautiful some of the lines from the lyrics were. I’ve got an exam this week and to chance upon a beauty hidden after so many years humming to that song was…amazing. My mind is at peace and I feel ready to work harder for my dreams and those of hers.

Enjoy, the bolded lines were the ones which made me paused to take in the serenity they offered.

Metallica- Mama said

1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2

Mama, she has taught me well
Told me when I was young
Son, your life’s an open book
Don’t close it ‘fore it’s done

The brightest flame burns quickest
Is what I heard her say
A son’s heart’s owned to mother
But I must find my way

Let my heart go
Let your son grow
Mama, let my heart go
Or let this heart be still, yeah still

Rebel, my new last name
Wild blood in my veins
Apron strings around my neck
The mark that still remains

Left home at an early age
Of what I heard was wrong
I never asked forgiveness
But what is said is done

Let my heart go
Let your son grow
Mama, let my heart go
Or let this heart be still

Never I ask you
But never I gave
But you gave me your emptiness
I now take to my grave

Never I ask of you
But never I gave
But you gave me your emptiness
I now take to my grave
So let this heart be still

Mama, now I’m coming home
I’m not all you wished of me
But a mother’s love for her son
Unspoken, help me be

Yeah, I took your love for granted
And all the things you said to me, yeah
I need your arms to welcome me
But a cold stone’s all I see

Let my heart go
Let your son grow
Mama, let my heart go
Or let this heart be still

Let my heart go
Mama, let my heart go
You never let my heart go
So let this heart be still, ohh

Never I ask you
But never I gave
But you gave me your emptiness
I now take to my grave

Never I ask of you
But never I gave
But you gave me your emptiness
I now take to my grave
So let this heart be still…

Love,

Anwar

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Lies.

What breed of lies? What will come of it? More lies. Until when?

I am no saint, or a pious person. I have lied before and I am trying my best not to lie anymore. If telling the truth will be my downfall, I will not answer, that way I am staying away from lying. Maybe for a few moments.

Stupid? Naive? Weak? If those are the definitions that come with being honest, so be it. Let me be so in the eyes of the mortals.

In today’s world, lies are a norm. The recent political development scared me for I do not know whom to trust anymore. The slyness of the human minds is gonna be our Achilles’ heel.

Is there such a thing as a necessary evil? Is it necessary to practice a necessary evil? If it’s evil, why is it necessary?

Would you feed your kids with money that comes from lying? If you would, their flesh and their blood, aren’t they generated by lies?

I am not judging and will try my best not to judge but I can’t deny the scathingly burning thoughts of the cause and consequences.

A legacy of lies. Wow, that is scary. God save me, God save us all.

p/s: they said in war everything is allowed. Is it?

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15 minutes!

I’ve spent the whole day reviewing aircraft document. It’s a monotonous job. So I decided to stop and release some of the steam via writing totally random things in 15 minutes before I go back home.

Soooooooooo. Oh God! I need ideas. I’m not gonna correct any typos any sentence which will be structurally ‘tebabo’ed. Ohhhh I ‘ve had a short discussion with my cousin’s wife about Anuar Zain. The conversation started when I brought up the topic that Metallica’s The Memory Remains is not the same as Anuar Zain’s The Memory Remains. She told me that she saw him in Section 9 Shah Alam and that he looked beautiful. I replied by saying tyhat the girl who managed to woo would be the most lucky girl. Oh wait I said the man who managed to woo him would be the luckiest man! Of course it was followed by a just kidding remardk. She replied that I was a naughty, I replied I was kidding, and it was only a demo of how our typical mindset would be when it comes to men who aren’t married yet when they reached a certain age zone.

Aight 10 more minutes.

A friend of mine chirpd in, “LOL Bohoq (my call name when I was in secondary school)” and I told him he knew what I was like. The guy who made fun of almost anything with respect. LOL does that concept even exist? Making fun with respect.

“Sir, if I may sir, with all due respect, I think your hair looks like Edward Scissorshands who has just been electrocuted!”.

 

No no no non preview! I got few mins left! Ohh and I discovered that the smell of cheese could easily ruin my resolve to control what I eat. The smell totally melts away any self defense mechanism and I will float gently to the source of it. A colleague brought 2 cheesecakes, one was cappucino flavoured and the other was chocolate! My God, I ate on a few behalves! LOL. My boss couldn’t stand sweet thing so he told, me “Anwar, go eat my share!” *tears*.

5 more mins, time to find some cool video!

Ohhh that polka song. Pariapppapappaopolipapplop! oh yah this song really suits the mood of this post which is ‘rush with no understandable purpose to those who don’t understand the language’ LOL.

 

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