Short and sweet (part troix) B

…and hopefully the final part.

Warning: Very lengthy wall of text.

I’ve decided, no matter what the outcome is, I’m gonna write it.

After finishing off the last crumb on my plate, I left the table and went to join the rest of the families in the living room.

“Have you tried this chocolate chip? Oh you’ve bought it, I forgot”, said the fairy princess. “What about this one?” she asked again while handing me a jar of  greenish coloured 2.5 inch cookies. I forgot the name. I was totally caught in the moment. “Oh, sure” said I. I took a small bite, a small bite which gave my taste buds a pleasant sensation of creamy, brittle-like, sweet, just nice  home made cookie. Small pieces fell onto the carpet and I scrambled to pick it up. “That’s not how you eat it. You have to put the whole thing in your mouth”, she said. “Oh begitu”. I wasn’t aware of what I was saying.

When I wanted to put the cap of the jar back on, she intervened, “Nah, it’s ok, lemme do it”. Alright. “Try this mazola”. They were awesome, simply put. One was not enough, I took a few. While I was, munching the 3rd or 4th mazola, I looked at her, she was resting her chin on her arms on the coffee table and her eyes… They were sparkling.

Only few secs later that I realized that her gaze met mine. I would be the biggest liar if I said I didn’t feel anything.

I was not sure if this feeling was mutual. But on my side, it was as if the world stopped. I forgot that her mother was nearby. Her family was nearby. I forgot who I was, I forgot my place. Upon waking up from that brief reverie, I shifted my gaze.

Blank as before, I sat on the carpet and listened to the chatter of the family members. Suddenly, the princess’ sister said something about taking pictures of them. She gave the princess her blackberry, her bf’s and I think even the princess tried to use hers too. She called for me to help her. “Sure I’ll give you a hand”, said I. A trembling hand.

I hate that moment so much. Mind over matter didn’t work that time for my mind was disorganized. Didn’t feel like the mind of an engineer, more like that of a  foolish boy who was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by what? God knows what.

“Does this camera have autofocus?” I asked. “Yes”, one of them answered. I couldn’t see it because my view was not properly interpreted. Like I said, my mind was disorganized. Everything was kinda blurry. As a result I had to take their pictures twice, for the first one was a complete disaster. The 2nd one was, half a disaster.

They sat again, chat again, and myself, looking like a fool again. I looked at my watch a couple of times. Then I decided, it was close to maghrib. Time to go. “Puan, thanks a lot for everything, I think it’s time for me to take my leave now”, said I. I repeated the same phrase to all of them. “Should I call you uncle or abang?” I asked En/Abang/Uncle Zainal. “Call me whatever you want”, he said whilst laughing. “Come here anytime yeah”, he said again when I released his handshake. I just answered with a nod.

“Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin, Terima kasih banyak ye” I repeated again whilst walking towards the door.

“Going back already? We barely get to know you!” said the princess’ sister’s boyfriend.

“I’m a nobody” my conscience answered. I just smiled in reply.

“Thanks for coming!” said the princess’ sister.

“Thanks for entertaining” I answered.

“Entertaining? Was it?” the sister asked again. Again smile was all I could do. Entertaining as in entertaining your guest. A complete stranger.

Then,there she was standing in front of me. I put on my shoes and looked into her innocent eyes. How could anything hurt someone as beautiful as her? Pretty images came into my mind. But one that stood out the most was the image of the sunbeam trying to penetrate through the forest canopy.

Again, I would be the biggest liar if I said I didn’t feel anything. I was smitten. A smitten kitten.

I couldn’t say anything else other than the lame o’s thanks, farewell and Selamat Hari Raya. Mesmerized. Hypnotized.

When I walked to my car, my knees felt weak. I felt like if I was somebody else I wouldn’t have to endure this bittersweet reality. Then my senses came back again, turning on the engine, I said to myself, “You’ve had a fair share of that beautiful feeling for a while, be grateful”. You wouldn’t know when would you feel it again. Be grateful.

As I drove further and further away, I realized that I even forgotten to take a picture of her, her family and all the beautiful things. I even forgot to give out the duit raya I’ve prepared for the kids for this holiday. That night, there was a bit of regret. But as days passed, I realized that the mental images that I brought with me were far more clear. They are connected to the heart and the mind. A strong feeling of the goodness in people, of the longing for love, and a respect for the people who took you in without prejudice, without any pre-judgement. And to find them in a family whom I’ve never met, I am glad that I am alive and still able to appreciate this. Thanks. A heartfelt thanks.

p/s: I’ve edited this post a more than five times already, not sure which live performance should I use as the closing video. Sigh, not cool at all. Reason? My Ego says don’t reveal your feeling too much.

So Bare.

Never had it crossed my mind that I would let myself to be exposed emotionally and to actually enjoy it. It was awkward initially. I know the outcome might not be what I wished it could be. But this moment would not have come if I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. The chance to feel what I feel now is a blessing. It took away all my pains in the past and gave me a greater realization that all those series of events were meant to teach me something and brought me up to this point.

This point. A point where I can be honest and accept anything told to me with honesty. A point where I truly see the greatness and kindness of the human race. A point where I feel if Allah were to take my life away, I would feel ok, hopefully I’ve done the deeds. Hopefully my loved ones will be able to continue life joyously and successfully.

What prompted me to come up with such a statement? So many things. But one thing in particular which acted as the much needed nudge for me to step into this ‘enlightened’ state. Words written from the heart. Words which did not care of the repercussions, words which did not mind to say ‘sorry’, words which stir all the negative feelings and blend them with the rationale of their existence turning them into a catalyst for a person to reach greater heights. So powerful those words were and are.

Thanks to those who have been apart of my journey thus far.

Short and sweet part troix (Te-ghu-wa) A

So I was left alone at the table. And a puteri bunian (fairy princess) said, “Haha biarkan dia sorang-sorang, biar dia rasa bersalah”. Haha. Comel comel. Not just what she said, but she herself is comel, (cute). So while the puteri bunian was cleaning up the table (my God, these days, usually only the bibiks do that), I dare not to lift my head. For indeed I was clueless,”apa ni, you are still eating and the puteri bunian is already cleaning up!”. Whilst she was picking up some of the crumbs, she asked, “Lepas ni pegi mana?”. “Emm, Midvalley”, said I. I have to look for a book related to ISO9001 standards. “Ohh, buat apa?” asked the puteri. “Cari buku,” said I. “Oh…” .Haish. Bodoh kan? Smart move wise guy -.-. But I did go afterwards, fully baju-melayu-ed. Had to bring in my boots into the surau though when I wanted to perform the maghrib prayer at the midvalley prayer room for there was no one around and I was scared that I might be left shoeless on the way home.

And then she sat a few chairs away from me. “Ada soalan nak tanya tapi semua dah hilang”, said I. “Hah, masa ni la nak tanya, cepat cepat tanya,” so adorable when she was saying that. Dia macam gadis muda bersifat makcik comel. “How old is your daddy yek??” I could hear the sound of the loser trumpet in my head at that time. Ada ka patut tanya pasal ayah? Adakah? “Daddy, how old are you?” straightaway the puteri asked her daddy. Face to palm. Haha. Literally my face to my palm. “Kenapa? Nampak muda ya?” kata En/Abang/Uncle Zainal. “Agak-agak berapa?” katanya lagi. “Mmm 43-45?” I guessed. “Hmm lebih kurang la” he answered. Then the puteri went to the ruang tamu to serve some drinks. My God, ayunya! If I were a candle, I would have melted.

To be continued to part troix B. I can’t type. Brain haywired. Must. Stay. Calm.

Intermission

The 3rd part is kinda hard to write. The details are too vivid and they are flooding my mind with too many possibilities. Words must be chosen carefully.

Enjoy! Listen to the lyrics.

Short and sweet part deux

It’s nice to be the center of attention SOMETIMES. What I hated was my inability to be in control. To utter words coherently for my senses were…hmmm couldn’t quite find the word for it. “Johny Wayfarer, you are Johny Wayfarer now!”. Nothing.

I’ve amazed interviewers in… well interviews. Even the Eurocopter manager told me, “I liked your confidence and your ability to discuss your career prospect with me and what you have planned, would like to see you for the 2nd interview”. I declined. That’s a story for another time.

Ok, where were we? Oh yeah, sound of a car coming, En/Abang/Uncle Zainal went out…etc. Not quite what I was expecting. Turned out they were also close acquaintances of the family.

“Eh jom jom makan”. Yes! The long awaited event.

1 Ketupat. Ayam masak merah. Not sure what they call this one in English 😦 . But it sure was tasty. I took 3 pieces and I wasn’t ashamed. They/We were chatting about issues ranging from Sosilawati to Miri, Kuching, Rawa specialty food. I listened and gave a few pointless neither witty opinions (I think). En/Abang/Uncle Zainal interjected, “Ni cerita Semenanjung, orang Miri tak tau”. Haha agreed. Hati saya kat semenanjung lagi 😦 .

Oh about En/Abang/Uncle Zainal’s wife, I’m also not sure how should I address her. She sure doesn’t look her age. Panggil kakak pun boleh.

So I sat there, listening to the chatter, banter, looking at the cats, fat, chubby, furry, fuzzy…so gigit-able, the cute, sweet sisters, handsome boys, glorious food, and at the same time wondering…”Ya Allah, they talked as if I was a part of the family”. Aisyah’s raya song in the background improved the ambiance and what I was feeling. But still, my mind was blank.

“Puan, mintak tolong pass kek coklat tu.” Heaven. Big juicy strawberry. I asked for a 2nd one, then it struck me. Eh eh semua sudah gerak pergi ruang tamu. Malulah gua ini macam. “No, don’t leave me here alone!”

Kak/Puan/Auntie Nani said, “Jom, makan kuih kat sana pulak”. “Ok nanti saya habiskan kek ni dulu”. And then, something happened, something which I kinda regretted. I’ve spoken to strangers with ease before. Whites, Blacks, Arabs, Pakistanis, Female, Male. They were a walk in the park. But…jeng jeng jeng….to be continued…

p/s: Didn’t mean to drag this, but there’s just so much that I wanted to type. It’s a beautiful life indeed.

Short and sweet part Un (it’s french for One)

If you want happiness, you’ll have to pursue it. Ego, hoping for it to roll to your feet is a lazy man’s quest.

Hence, I told myself, I would try to make the most of this Aidilfitri Holiday.

The first night I arrived at my house, after I unloaded my things, I went for a drive around KL. It was around 10.00 PM. I wanted to absorb, to feast my eyes on the pre-raya scene, the hectic yelling, and honking. But as soon as I saw the long line of cars forming near Maju Junction (I came from KLCC), I thought to myself, “This ain’t worth it” and made an illegal U-turn. Sungguh berani! Saw a traffic police officer nearby but he seemed too occupied on controlling the traffic flow. Phew! “Naim, hang kat mana?” I texted my friend. “Aku kat kampung dah, takpa len kali kita minum” he replied. “Aku balik Miri Ahad ni, flight pagi”.  😦

Oh well, then I headed back to Cheras, to my favourite mamak bistro and ordered me a Nasi Goreng Paprik. Semenanjung style. So healthy a practice to eat a large meal before bedtime. /sarcasm.

The last day of Ramadhan 2010 Thursday, Kuala Lumpur. Aight got me a pair of Baju Melayu Johor. Bought it on Tuesday in Miri, went to the mall right after berbuka. Hmmm…If I wanted to make this raya worth the time I have, better dress properly. Still haven’t bought a songkok and a kain pelikat (sarong) to match the colour of my Baju Melayu Johor. Jalan TAR is/was a big no no. “Eh, PKNS Shah Alam banyak jugak choice, can pick up the booked raya biscuits on the way too,” literally I was monologuing. -.-‘

“Pa, pa kat mana ye?” I said on the phone. “Pa, dah kat Selama dah, kenapa?”. “Oh takpelah, ingatkan nak melawat kat Kuala Selangor. Kirim salam kat makcik dan family belah sana dan Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin ye pa. Lain kali la kot kita jumpa.”

That’s one house canceled on my list. Oh well, still got a few more houses.

Friday, Morning-Evening, 1st Syawal- After I visited a few of my old friends’ houses, only 1 house left. This one got me jittery, caused butterflies to fly wildly in my stomach, and also disorganized my usually actively-anticipating-thinking-pattern. This one belongs to a family who are active in the local blogging scene and garnered quite a number of followers including myself. In other words, visiting people whom I don’t really know in real life.  We communicate only via the net. Most of the time.

“Takpela puan, janganla rush-rush nak balik pulak. Kalau puan sibuk, tak payahla saya datang”,I said. “Takpela, kitorang memang nak balik pun, datang lepas pukul 5 ye”, she said. I was taken aback. Pleasantly taken aback. Okay, so I drove to Shah Alam and the empty roads beckoned me to “take a walk along the memory lane, reminiscing the time I spent there when I was in UiTM”. A lot of things have changed, no more Engine Corner (Section 2) and its famous cheap-delish-awesome Nasi Goreng Engine, rice fried with soy ketchup+spices(maybe)+1 sunny side up+chili beef for only…RM2.

So before I arrived at said house,  I was expecting a big crowd. Lo and behold. I was the only one. Alamak. “Ding dong” no I didn’t produce the sound, was the doorbell. “Eh masuklah” kata En./Abang/Uncle Zainal (I was unsure what to address him as, he seemed youthful, must be the colour of his baju melayu). The usual, greetings, Selamat Hari Raya and all that. We chit-chatted about our jobs, current issues when suddenly “Selamat Hari Raya!” . Pleasantnyeeeeee. (Wah literally, I mean it literally at the moment I’m typing this, the sentence-vocab-producer in my brain is going haywire, like there’s so much info you want to jam into the processor that the processor starts to choke and showing symptoms of stalling). I turned around and these words popped, “Wah tu dia, the star of the house”. Tak witty langsung. Then I continued to chat with En/Abang/Uncle Zainal.

A sound of a vehicle interrupted our conversation and En/Abang/Uncle Zainal left me  to check it out. I was like “Ahhh, ok another visitor, take the attention off me (though I wasn’t sure whether I hate it or did I like it? did I?)” …..to be continued

p/s: Misleading title is misleading.