What am I looking for?

I was driving home from the supermarket with a bag full of groceries on the passenger’s seat when Avril Lavigne’s “What the Hell” played on my mp3 player (I turned shuffle mode ON) and I thought to myself how befitting. I was feeling  kinda merry that day because my role change has been accepted and confirmed (role change from the executive side to line/engineering side). In fact, the upper management welcomed it because of the nationalization policy that our company is trying to adhere to. At the moment, I would say 70-75% of the aircraft engineers on the hangar floor are expatriates. We need more locals. Anyway back to Avril Lavigne’s song and the mood et cetera et cetera. Due to the merry feeling, I sang along and acted like a Avril in the video clip (OMG >_<) and when I arrived at a junction, the traffic light was red and I noticed that the driver+passengers in the car beside mine was looking at me and I stopped my acting and got into this macho mode. LOL!!!! They were laughing and I pretended not to notice… >_>

So I arrived at my apartment, was about to get into the elevator and a bunch of kids, (sons/daughters of expatriates who live in the same building) ran in before me, giggling. I looked at one of the girls, “What’s your name pretty girl?” and the girl answered, “Na(Ne)-yo-mi”. I looked at the movement of her mouth and for some reason my mind was like slowing down when it tried to register the word…Na(Ne)-yo-mi…..”OHHHH Naomi!” I muttered to myself “Ohh hi, I am Anwar”. All this while I’ve been pronouncing the name as Na (Nah)-Wo-mi…LOL. I looked at her,”Very very nice name”. She giggled. “Be careful with the elevator doors yea” I said when I stepped out upon reaching the 3rd level (where my apartment is). “We will!” one of them answered. Nice revelation and I walked towards my apartment whilst smiling to myself.

*****

In life greed is a double-edged sword. A lot of things are double-edged sword actually, but in this entry I pick greed. On the day that I got the confirmation letter of my role change, a friend of mine told me that another company is offering a lot of money for the same position that I am holding now. I was bugged to be honest. The amount that they are willing to pay is just O_O. I would like to believe that I am a man who hold very strictly to my principles, my ambitions, my dreams and the method via which I shall move towards the said elements. But the amount my friend told me, was just tooo…wow. I am not saying that I would get the job if I sent in my resume, but if they call me for an interview, I dare say more than 50% probability that I would get the job. I don’t mean to brag, but I am quite confident in my ‘interview skills’ (whatever that might mean).

Then reality hit me, with that amount of money, the responsibility, the expectation of my work, my knowledge would definitely be….sky high. I might pass the interview, but when it comes to the actual work, would I be able to fulfill the actual requirements? I have to accept the fact that I am still young, my experience, my knowledge, my license are not yet where I would like them to be. I have to collect more experience to be a much more respectable position holder.

So what am I looking for? Careerwise. Not lifewise.

Experience. Licenses. Aircraft types approvals. Knowledge. Money. Why is money a part of my career objectives? Well, I have to be realistic. Everything needs money in today’s age. BUT I have to be honest, I am not capable yet of fulfilling a role which pays so much money yet. As I mentioned in the previous paragraph, I might be able to blind the interviewers with my ‘skills’ but I doubt my capability to execute tasks which reward so much. Plus in this industry, news of failures spread like wild fire. Experience is something which I cannot rush. It flows with time. Give me at least 2 years, then maybe, I would trust myself to hold such position.

I am not yet where I want to be, but everything is satisfactory.

LOL suddenly Hindi song. I am tired, I need something relaxing. I wrote this right after after 2 hours of futsal. Ok now I am ready to get into the shower. 😛

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Posted in Uncategorized. 2 Comments »

2 Responses to “What am I looking for?”

  1. enda ida Says:

    You are learning the meaning of integrity wa. Hold it and embrace it.

  2. anwar777 Says:

    Thank you Enda. Terharu ada orang faham how I see things.


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