Blessed all along (Finale)

You readers were probably questioning where were the difficulties in my life based on the previous entries. Well, I filtered most of them out. I only wrote the positive portions. I assure you, I have been through a lot, family, emotions, studies, siblings, financial, ambitions, sigh, so many. Plus I would very much like to respect the privacy of the people in my life. They have been through really bad times and some of them aren’t really shareable.

Ahh here we are. I thought I wouldn’t have the time to finish it but bit by bit, saved draft after saved draft, reading, and maybe some soul searching (mengada-ngada) I decided I must finish this before going back to KL. Can’t wait to run around Tasik Permaisuri early in the morning. The rising sun is a sight not to be missed whenever you’re near that place.

Why did I come up with the title? Simple. I believe we are all blessed all along in our life. Only that the realization might come a bit late through unexpected means and only when we are willing to look back into ourselves and figure out the reasons, the learned lessons and when we are willing to be grateful.

1) I am grateful that my parents remained strong throughout their difficulties. One could only imagine the emotional scars they had to live with. If they weren’t strong enough, I would have probably been someone else, someone that would be loathed by the general public or worse, someone who did not appreciate life at all.

2) I am grateful that Allah ‘poked’ my conscience to live with my mother because I believe it was a major turning point in my life. No I am not saying that if I lived with my father I would become a bad person, not at all. What I am trying to say is the experience I gained was priceless, and the revelation afterwards was Ya Allah, beautiful. Like what my aunt told me what my father told her after I left to live with my mother “Wa tu mature sangat… abang tau dia fikir kat rumah mak dia takde orang lelaki….” Born to protect. A simply beautiful conjecture.

3) I am grateful that I learned English at a very young age. I could still remember the lyrics for most of the English songs that my mother introduced to me. There was one time, my mother wanted to train me to write in English so she would say the sentences and I would try to write down what I understood, “When Ali was walking to the store COMMA” I stopped her”Ma, koma tu ape?” She answered while showing me the sign, “C.O.M.M.A, tanda koma. Maksudnya macam berhenti kejap”. I was in standard 1. When we checked what I written we would laugh at my spellings, and I would throw tantrum and she would promise me something if I managed to correct the error.

4) I am grateful I’ve experienced childhood/teenagehood in various places. City life, kampung life, hostel life. So I would say I know how to carry myself if life requires me to go to one of these places again. Takdelah terasa macam out of place sangat.

5) I am grateful that I have developed a strong interest in languages. I love poems, lyrically beautiful songs, quotes, memorable movie lines and the lot. I learned French when I was 9-10. I asked my mother to buy the cassette and the book. “Lesson un, Commentallevous” . My mother, my sister, and I would follow each line during the weekends and we would laugh when we failed to pronounce some of the words.

Language is a mysterious phenomenon. I mean who decided that for example ‘matahari’ (sun) should be called ‘matahari’ (sun) or the word mata to be called mata and means what it means? and so on. I am not gonna start the believers vs the non-believers debate here. I just wanna spark an internal inquisition.

5) I am grateful that physically my whole body functions perfectly. My visions are perfect although in some part of my life I’ve spent hours staring at the PC monitor, I still don’t need glasses. I still remember when I brought some of my friends to my aunt’s house and they were all wearing spectacles, and my aunt said, “Eh apasal semua macam nerd je?” hehe, it was a friendly punt not an attack on their physical or anything. I am capable of doing sports, being competitive in sports and capable of becoming stronger, better and much more resilient. To add to that, I am grateful that my body so far can cope with most of the physical pressure that I have to deal with. Only weakness is I have sensitive skin, but because of that I’ve become much more careful with what I use so it’s a weakness which produces a good habit.

6) I am grateful that I love to read. It was through reading that I discovered ways to improve myself. It was through reading I discovered how big my ego was. It was through reading I discovered life from very very very different perspectives.

7) I am grateful that I have experienced love and lost. Quoting a famous line albeit cliche,” It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”. In this context, the love refers to the love between non family members. I’ve never revealed my love story(ies) to any of my friends. Only very few parties know about it. Even my mother knows very little. So my friends would joke about me being gay. Meh, such a remark is nothing.

Being in love is an incredible feeling. Although single-sided, it puts you in an emotional state of readiness. You don’t care about any of his/her imperfections, you just want to care. Everyone should experience this. I kid you not. I know it sounds soooooooo naive but it is a vondervul (cakap macam russian sikit) feeling.

8 ) I am grateful that I learned about “there is no wrong choices, only bad ones” and “there is no wrong answer” when I was in university. I like opened ideas like that. It gives me a chance to correct and to improve. I know in certain matters the wrongs and the rights are definite, no grey areas. The exposure to this kind of statement made me a, what I believe a good listener. I would listen first, then weigh the options after. I used to be a cynic, finding wrongs in things I hate when I didn’t even know the exact reason for the hate.

9) I am grateful that I used to be a World of Warcraft geek/nerd. It was through that game that I intensified the use of English as a spoken language and funnily enough my leadership talent. In game, I was with a group of various nationalities (Aussies, Americans, Singaporeans, Europeans, Asians, you name it, we got it) and we formed an online guild killing monsters, big big big monsters which required a very high level of coordination between the members. I volunteered myself. It was intimidating at first, these Aussies my God, they spoke like bullets coming out from their mouths but over time, you learned their accent, and with leadership I managed to form a very respectable group of players. On a server of 10,000 players and probably hundreds of guilds, my guild was no 2 achievement wise. Meaning we killed more difficult monsters and we were more geeky and nerdy haha. I gained weight too but luckily I realized that and improved the quality of my life harhar.

10) I am grateful that I think a lot, or too much. Although my mind stopped working before in certain moments (hawhawhaw). When I think too much, I get a lot of ideas, some are good and some are not really good. But ideas will lead to later ideas and later ideas and better ideas and better ideas..haha you get the idea.

11) I am grateful that I am capable of writing long essays. If I am not, my mind would have probably blown up from the unexpressed words that keep accumulating especially when anything out of the ordinary takes place.

There was one episode from the ‘My Name is Earl’ series which was about writing. I love that episode, because of the message and the way they depicted each of the character’s ideas. One was writing about her dream to become a latin soap opera heroin, the title was something along the line ‘The women with endless tears’ or something. So in that imaginary soap opera of hers, she would cry every time anything happened. There was tears of happiness, tears of sadness, tears for every occasion!

12) I am grateful that I am willing to explore a lot of things. Through that I discovered that I have a lot of talents. People should do that too. You will never know until you try. I discovered I could sing/dance when I was in KL. I joined the choir and I was dancing to the tune of MC Hammer 2 Legit 2 Quit at the age of 8 or 9 years old, doing the same choreography. I discovered I love musical instruments when I was 11, in the Musics class. I played the recorder every day and my mother would scare me by saying that I would invite the snake into the house. I played a lot of songs using the recorder, KRU’s Mengerti, Queen’s Champion, Europe’s Final Countdown, my God, so many, I was so absorbed by it.

13) I am grateful that I’ve learned how to be grateful. I owe it to a lot of occasions and people. To the people that taught me how, I wish you would get all the best things that this life and the life after could offer. Hopefully I would be able to stay grateful for it makes me feel I am ready for anything. In my career, I am not yet where I want to be, but everything is satisfactory 😉 . Alhamdulillah.

There’s a lot more that I wanted to write, but considering the length this entry has already reached, you lovely readers should get the gist of what I am trying to say. Haha it’s like turning on the flash light in broad daylight!

We are all blessed in ways that we could never imagine. Difficulties are keys to finding your strength, your potentials, and more importantly, yourself. Have a great day everyone! Be grateful! The end

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